PERSPECTIVE
By MacKenzie Mahler
This year has brought forward many significant challenges for Irish Dancers. Despite the difficulties I’ve had around the pandemic, I have had the gift of time to reflect on my dancing journey and I have a renewed gratitude for the experiences I have had and the people who have taught me so much.
One introspection I dove into was the serious back injury I endured when I was 18. A global pandemic poses different challenges than personal injuries do, however the parallels are evident as I compare the emotional experiences. When I broke my back, the subsequent growth I experienced completely reshaped my approach to dancing. I wanted to share this experience and some of my thoughts in the hopes that it will be helpful to other dancers as well!
When I started Irish dancing, I was that kid who walked into their first dance class and was absolutely hooked. I was in love with dancing from the very first day. I loved everything about it: the music the movement, the rhythm, the discipline, the costumes, and everything in between. Along the way I have been so fortunate to have incredible teachers who inspire me and always believe in me and to have met countless other incredible people through Irish dancing.
As much as I always loved dancing for the “right” reasons, I was also always very drawn to the competitive aspect. Being a goal-oriented kid, I grew to be obsessed with attaining benchmarks, completing rigorous training sessions and achieving placements at competitions.
From the earliest days in my dancing journey I declared to my parents and teachers that I aspired to become a world champion one day, and from that point on almost every decision I made on a daily basis revolved around that goal. By the time I was 17 and had graduated high school I decided to only pursue a couple of university courses in order to focus as much energy as possible on achieving my dancing goals. At the time this seemed like the right thing to do, but in hindsight I was starting to lose touch with my love of dancing as I began to associate dance with stress and competitive aims rather than joy.
I was more often going to practice and class because I felt like I HAD to, in order to achieve my goals, not because I was loving the act of the dancing itself. This was exactly how I felt one October day in 2014 when I went to the studio to practice alone. I was feeling particularly tired from class the night before, but felt obligated to get all my practice sessions in that week before heading to the Great Britain Championships. I slipped at that practice and twisted to catch myself as I fell. I felt something tweak in my back, and by the end of the day it was really sore. What I initially thought was just a pulled muscle ended up being a serious fracture in a bone in my spine.
It took a full year and a surgery for the bone to heal, and there were countless times when I thought I would never be able to dance again. In some ways 2020 has had similar moments with feelings of uncertainty, fear and disappointment. In moments when times have been particularly difficult over the last seven months, remembering how I came through the other side of my injury has given me reason to be optimistic. Even when it seems like hope is lost, there is always reason to believe that things will improve. The worldwide impact and fallout from a global pandemic is more resounding than a personal injury, but my hope is that my story might provide some inspiration as we all struggle through this interruption.
Going through difficulties in life teaches us resilience and optimism. There is total uncertainty in our lives currently, due to external events, and some of us question how we can carry on with dance.
As mentioned above, before my injury, I had become overly goal oriented and was falling out of touch with my original love of dancing. Although I still enjoyed Irish dancing, I had become extremely reliant on the external feedback and validation I received from my competitive achievements. But the forced interruption helped me to realize how much I love Irish dancing: For the sheer joy of feeling my feet hit the floor, or simply twirling in a slip jig. I truly believe this was the most important phase of growth in my youth and as it pertains to my dancing career to date.
Flash forward to the time when I was finally able to dance again, I had a renewed sense of joy and more gratitude than ever before. Not only was this a freeing experience for me, but I observed that people watching me dance may have felt this resonance in my performance. I learned that for me, personally, the greatest gift in dancing is to be able to give joy to others through my performance, rather than trying to “get” something for myself from it. I look forward to dancing again, and seeing all my peers experiencing their own full circle after this time away from Irish Dance gatherings.
It is completely understandable to feel sad, worried or disappointed about the cancellation of events and classes, I feel it too - and have had many sad days. However by sharing my story, I hope to invite you to come along with me to explore alternative sources of joy – let’s start by thinking back to how we fell in love with dancing in the first place! How can we bring a renewed focus to our dancing, and keep the art form alive in a way outside of competition?
If we can stick through this current challenge, if we can all keep dancing, and keep sharing our gifts, I hope we will all come out the other side of this time stronger and more grateful to be together again doing what we love.